Intro - YIKES

Hammock time!

First blog post - yikes.

tw: SI, SA, trauma

Isn't that what Frank Ocean says in that one song?

This post is like breaking the ice, weirdly uncomfortable. Today's topic: intro to me?

My name is Artishmie, I'm 30 years old, divorced, one sweet kiddo, currently residing in Pothole City AKA Pittsburgh. We have two pets: a cat named wormy with a million other names, and an anole we lovingly call "Nolee". I have a boyfriend; his name is Johnny. We've been together a little over a year!

I'm currently unemployed; what started as a brief medical leave turned into a messy lay off. I really enjoyed the work I was doing and the people I collaborated with; there were some good people there. The overall atmosphere was hell for anyone that is neurodivergent. I struggled with realizing that almost everything was forced niceties and social interactions were very calculated. A phrase that I've got pinned in my mind: If they are talking badly about someone to you, they are almost most definitely speaking badly about you to someone else. Corporate is not for me, but it was fun trying it on.

I went on medical leave April 15th, 2024. It was originally so that I could participate in a 6-8 week long virtual IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program) for mental health, but I didn't even get to complete a day of it. Why not? Because on April 29th, I was hospitalized. The reasoning for being discharged from the IOP before beginning was because I was inpatient at a hospital, and they can't bill for outpatient services while you are hospitalized.

The reason I sought out an IOP was because I was struggling with constant suicidal ideation, panic attacks, flashbacks, agoraphobia, and feeling horrific any time I am awake. It has been the worst I have dealt with in my life. For comparison, I have gone through court hearings with the man that sexually assaulted me as a child and adult. The stress of what I am going through now somehow surpasses that level. It got a bit better when I started treatment (I'll explain in a second!) but it is still at an unmanageable level and I am not receiving the care I need for that. I keep a weekly appointment with my therapist to help.

First hospitalization at UPMC Magee

I was admitted to UPMC Magee on April 29th for pylon nephritis, or more plainly, a kidney infection. I stayed until May 10th for this stay. How did it progress that far? I had VUR (Vesicoureteral Reflux) as a child, had surgery in 2000-ish to fix it. I've always been susceptible to UTI/kidney infections, but it's been mostly fine for my adult life. The reason for this infection was because I was suffering from severe malnutrition and severe dehydration. My immune system couldn't fight it off. By the time I had decided to go the ER, I had been vomiting for 10 hours and was in complete dysfunction. I was in so much pain. This experience is fuzzy from pain medications. I remember being taken to CT and it not showing an obstruction, which is what the initial thought was. They said that it looked like I had something called median arcuate ligament syndrome and that the surgical team would evaluate me the next day. I was started on IV antibiotics, but all of the lines infiltrated within an hour. I remember that my surgeon from the RNY I had a year prior had come into my room with her fellow and said that they could maybe place a feeding tube and then grilled me on why I'm not eating, and why it was causing me so much pain. I called the nurse and unit director and asked that the surgeon + team not be allowed in my room and to not be consulted with for my care, and then gave them the information on the GI provider that was trying to manage my nutritional issues. My resident called the GI provider, and a decision was made to place a picc line and start TPN (total parenteral nutrition). This stay was so long because they had to monitor me for something called refeeding syndrome. Refeeding syndrome is a serious complication of malnutrition that occurs when someone who has been starved begins feeding again.

I was informed by my employer via UPS envelope that I was being laid off about 2 days prior to this hospitalization. Corporate HR called me that same day to tell me I had received it by mistake since I was on FMLA, but I would be let go when I receive a return-to-work date. I didn't get a RTW date, so I stayed on leave up until the termination point. It's a mess and I feel like a mess. Big ole womp womp. More to come.